I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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