i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
