don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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