You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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