Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I fill condoms, not promises.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
