I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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