yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
