Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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