So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize