theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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