Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm having to shit out rocks
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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