Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
