I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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