a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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