You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
