I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
