she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
