what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
