I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
