Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I die, sorry about rent.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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