i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
