Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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