I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
