Where did you get a picture of my penis
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
