Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
