If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
