I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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