My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
