my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
