the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
