My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
