Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
