Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
