He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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