i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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