I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
