Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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