i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize