I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
