how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize