It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
