My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
