Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
