I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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