She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
