And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
