College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
