Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize