my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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