you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We have so much sex to catch up on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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