Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
