checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
