Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
