I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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