There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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