Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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