dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
