He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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