A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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