I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
