her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?