Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.