I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.