yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So squirting runs in the family.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You tried paying your tab with the coaster